How To Make Your Toddler Listen? 9 Psychological Tricks That Work!
Reasoning with a two-year-old is about as productive as changing seats on the Titanic.
Robert Scotellaro
If there is one thing toddlers are seriously bad at, that would be listening and following instructions. It happens to all of us that we are trying to get our toddler to do something, ask again and again but get zero response.
First, you should know that it’s completely normal. Now, the fact that it’s normal doesn’t mean it’s not frustrating, right? So you will be happy to learn that there are quite a few methods to make your toddler listen to you. Once you finish reading this article, you’ll have 9 different methods you can use. Obviously, not all the methods work on all the toddlers as each toddler has a unique personality, so simply find out what works with your kid. Okay, let’s start:
1. Don’t say “No”!
It comes at no surprise that toddlers rebel against the word no. You obviously know it, that’s why you’re reading this article. Now, you should keep in mind that even though it’s annoying that they don’t listen when you tell them something, it’s a normal reaction. From their perspective you are the one being annoying – they were going to do something really cool but you interrupted them. So what should you do? Don’t use the word no. Instead, tell them no in a different way.
According to psychologists, if the toddler don’t hear the word no they most likely won’t fight.
Let’s say your toddler wants to watch TV at the same time you’re going to have lunch. Instead of saying “no, we’re going to have dinner now” simply say “yes, you can watch TV after we eat”.
2. When giving instructions use Do, not Don’t.
While grown ups can analyse and understand the reasons behind instructions pretty easily, toddlers are not quite there yet. That’s why if you ask them not to jump on the sofa it doesn’t occur to them that they also shouldn’t climb it. Furthermore, when you use a negative instruction you’re leaving them with many other options which you might not like either (like jumping on the table instead of the sofa…). Instead, give them short and clear instructions that will tell them exactly what to do.
So if your toddler decides walking on the road is exciting, instead of “Don’t walk on the road, it’s dangerous” say “Please stay on the grass, it’s much safer”.
3. Stick to small threats
Believe it or not, small threats work better than big threats. Experiments show that kids who’re threatened lightly are more likely to listen than ones who’re threatened harshly. It makes sense, because when you make smaller threats your kid knows you’re serious as opposed to thinking “Nah, they’ll never do that” when you threat them big time. In addition, if threatened harshly, the toddler has the desire to do whatever you told him not to, while a light threat keeps them from doing whatever it is you don’t want them to do.
If your little one likes strawberries, for example, saying “if you throw the blocks around you’ll get only one strawberry instead of three” is better than any harsh threat.
4. Create healthy competition
All all of us are somewhat competitive, aren’t we? Use it to your advantage by creating healthy competition between your toddler and his siblings, friends or even imaginary characters he / she likes. Make sure you phrase it right though (don’t say “see how tidy your brother is? You should also tidy up like him”), after all we don’t want to discourage our little ones but to encourage them to be better.
“Bobby the bear always put all his toys in the box nicely before going to sleep. Let’s see, can you put all your toys back in the toy box too?”
5. Pull them out of reality
True, they are very likely to fight you on things. But not if it’s all a game. In an imaginary world they are willing to do anything, especially because nothing is a boring instruction. I mentioned how they can’t really see the reasoning behind your request, right? So here’s another way to go around it. To pretend. Once you pulled them into a story or game they won’t say no.
In short, “eat your peas” is lame, but “okay, we need to eat more green balls so that we become big and reach the pink cloud” is awesome.
6. Make it into a funny game
That’s the most entertaining way of getting your toddler to listen to you, although you should be in the right mood for it. If your patience is already reaching zero after a long day it’s probably not the right time to try this method but in any other scenario it works so well that you’d be surprised. The idea is to make an item speak in a funny voice. If your toddler doesn’t want to listen to you, she/he might still be keen to listen to their favourite stuffed toy or their bottle of water.
Next time your toddler doesn’t seem to notice you call him for a shower, simply take a water toy, for example his rubber duck, use your funniest voice and say: “hey, my name is Ducky. I’m going to play in the water. Yay! Are you coming with me?”. Your kid probably wants to go on that adventure with his little duck and you can get him to have a wash without a fight. Win win.
7. Give them the option to say no
Interestingly, studies shows that by giving your kid (or anyone really, it works on adults too) an option to say no, you double the chance of them saying yes. It might sounds crazy but that has been the conclusion of over 40 different studies. The point here is that when your kid is given an option to say no, they don’t feel like their freedom is threatened so there is no need for them to fight.
So next time you call your toddler to the table while he is (as always) in the middle of playing, say something like “I’d like you to come eat with us, but if you want you can keep playing.” Chances are, you’ll see him at the table the next minute.
8. Let it be their decision
They simply can’t fight you if you let them be the ones who decide. Of course, it doesn’t mean you should just let your toddler do whatever they want. That wouldn’t end well. What it means is, when you tell them to do something, take some unimportant detail – something that really doesn’t make a difference – and leave it in their hands. By letting them choose, they feel like the whole thing was their idea and their decision.
If your two year old daughter hates it when you brush her hair, instead of saying “let’s brush your hair and make a ponytail”, say “Let’s make a ponytail, do you want the red hair and or the purple one?” Her choice.
9. Be physical
Generally speaking, verbal instructions are more difficult for a toddler to understand than physical instructions. Sometimes just telling them isn’t enough, they are too busy with other things (even toddlers have priorities, you know), they find something else more fascinating or they just can’t be bothered. In cases where you need to get their attention quickly or explain an important thing so that they actually understand, don’t use words. Use actions.
If you spent 10 minutes calling your little one over and over again to come have a shower but your words don’t seem to register, simply say “we are going to have a shower now, okay?” and take the kid on your arms to the bathroom. Make sure you are being kind and loving while making your point clear.
It’s important to remember not to create too many rules and not to tell your kid off about every little thing. If they are doing something dangerous, sure. Stop them before they get hurt. But if it’s just a minor thing which isn’t dangerous to anyone, letting it slide is sometimes the best option. After all, you want to keep the atmosphere positive and give your little one less things to fight about.
Now that you have all the tools, go on and try these methods one by one to see which ones work best with your toddler. Good luck!
And whenever you’re calling your kids and they don’t listen, if all of the above methods don’t work, remember you can just go to the bathroom or lean back on the armchair and your kids will miraculously come to you before you count to three. 🤦♀️
Did you try these methods? Which one worked best for you? Do you use any other ways to make your toddler listen? Please share your experience in a comment below!
